Wednesday, October 29, 2008


My son is, at this very moment, emptying the dishwasher and touting the virtues of each individual Star Wars character. He's currently on R2D2 who is, incidentally, his favorite robot, "because he has lots of important stuff on him and he helps out a lot." We just finished up an existential discussion about Darth Vader, "Is he a robot, Mommy, or a human?" Lucky for him, Mommy is a virtual Star Wars encyclopedia, having grown up with an older brother and seen every movie several times. I recounted the final scenes of Return of the Jedi in which Darth Vader's true identity was revealed to young Luke and the dark lord met his end. My son was a captive audience, giving me a satisfying, "oh yeah" after my explanation. Star Wars

Where is this coming from? This sudden interest in Star Wars? Remember a few weeks back when I shared my husband's luck at winning a Wii during a bingo game at my son's Fall Festival? Well, I found the Lego Star Wars game on sale recently and purchased it for my son and husband (they're both fans). The game made more of an impact than I could have ever imagined. It has taken residency in my son's brain and occupies his thoughts during every free moment. It even inhabits his subconscious. I heard him scream out, "Use the force!" in his sleep once last week. Yikes. What have I done?

I have always had an aversion to video games. It comes from growing up in a household where television viewing was kept to a minimum and where, despite the yearnings of my brother and I, we never owned a Nintendo. I inherited my parent's line of thinking that video games and television are instruments of time suckage that should be allowed only in small doses. The Wii was something we would have never purchased on our own. It is too expensive and too low on our priority list to ever warrant an actual purchase. I do like the Wii because, unlike most gaming systems, many of the games require physical activity (unfortunately Star Wars is not one of them) but I can't imagine us owning one without my husband's luck. That being said, I feel slightly guilty that my son is spending the next half hour (he's done with the dishes) playing a mindless video game. He's been asking me since he got in the car to play the Wii and I told him that he could once he completed his chores. He complied, so what's a Mom to do? The con in this situation is that I have an almost-six-year-old who is a certified gaming addict. The pro is that it is Star Wars and I have a currency that I've never had before. All it takes is a threat of no Star Wars and I have immediate compliance.

Anyone else have a gaming addict out there? How do you handle it?

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sweatin' to the Oldies

I've been struggling lately with time management, energy, and the constant desire to sleep. One of my friends asked for some help with her new website's text and I was happy to oblige but it took me a while. She asked me about it a couple days after she sent the text over and I replied honestly. I said, "Well, I've had a really busy schedule of sleeping and resting and its tough to find time to fit the other things in." I realize this is a pathetic answer but I get points for honesty, right?

I'm happy to report that things are looking up. I'm feeling more energetic, the dry heaves are on their way out and I can survive a day without a nap. Progress is welcome in my life, even if it is minimal.

In light of my lack of inspiration, I pounced on my friend, Alyson's genius costume idea for her 1 and a half year old son, Cooper. She sent me a picture and I begged her to let me include it in a blog entry. She obliged. So, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the funniest costume I have ever seen on a child: Cooper Tunnel as Richard Simmons:


And, for good measure, here's one of Richard Simmons as Richard Simmons:

Richard Simmons

If anyone has ever seen a more hilarious, creative costume on a child, I invite you to share it. Go Alyson!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Semper Fi

Boy soldier

My son hopped into the car today with all manner of Marine Corps merchandise. He had a book cover, a large poster and a pencil, all covered in Armed Services logos. I was a little surprised and asked him what he learned about the Marine Corps. Here's what I learned:

  • Marines carry guns and get to set off fireworks.

  • Marines blow up buildings.

  • And, my personal favorite, Marines get to help Santa Claus with his toys.

I explained to my son that Marines were very brave men and women who fought for their country and that they had to fight in wars and many unpleasant things in addition to blowing stuff up, setting off fireworks and filling in for Santa's elves. I dare say the recruitment techniques for the under-7 set have gotten a bit skewed. Is there really recruiting for the under-7 set? I'm not ready for that yet. Not even close.

Thursday, October 16, 2008



I just pulled a slug, a SLUG! out of my daughter's hair. She came inside and said, "Mommy, I've got something gooey in my hair." I leaned in for a closer look and there it was: a one inch slug writhing around in her beautiful brown locks. I have an aversion to slugs. I can't stand them. They feel like those globs we used to get out of the grocery store vending machines as kids only they are actually living breathing organisms. I have no problems with most of the creatures of the insect world (I'm assuming here—probably wrongly—that a slug is an insect. What else is it going to be? A reptile? I think not). I digress. Most insects don't even phase me. I live together in peace with the moths, the flies, the wasps, the bees, the spiders, even the occasional cock roach but I can't handle slugs. Is it too much to ask that they steer clear of my daughter's head? Geez.

In better news my children have been playing outside for over two hours in the rain, wearing their fireman hats. They are covered in mud and slug feces from head to toe but I don't care. I love to watch kids playing in the rain.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Sappy Six

Karate Kid

I’m feeling a little sappy this morning so here goes:

Six Things I love about my kids:

1. My son can’t just have toast or waffles for breakfast. He has to invent something. This morning it was a peanut butter cheerio boat, translation: a piece of bread with peanut butter spread on it and cheerios sprinkled on top.

2. My daughter is, as I write this, wearing a pink sparkle headband around the circumference of her head Karate Kid style. I told her she looks like Daniel Son. She replied, “No Mama. I look like a cheerleader.” Who knew?

3. My son gets extremely excited about eating a school lunch. This happens very rarely as a result of his finicky palate but, when it does, he skips towards the entrance to his school like he’s walking into a theme park.

4. Yesterday, after dropping my son off at school, my daughter asked that we play a horse game (she has a tendency to skip consonants so her “horse” actually sounds like “whore”). This is what she said to me, “Mama, you be a big whore and I’ll be a little whore.”

5. Whenever my daughter does something silly, like this morning when she insisted upon eating her toast from the middle out and licking the butter off of her plate, my son and I look at each other and chuckle quietly. Yep, we’ve got inside jokes.

6. Both of my kids refer to our main vacuum as “Big Yellow” and get very excited whenever I haul her out of the closet. They call the other vacuum “Little Blue” and flash disappointed expressions in my direction whenever I plug Little Blue in.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


The stress in my life melted away yesterday when my OB's nurse called me to inform me that I did not have gonorrhea. Phew. Thank goodness. That was keeping me up at night. When it comes to my list of stressors, "Fear of STD's" is at the very top, above "In 5 months the children will outnumber the adults in my household" and "Holy crap what is my stomach going to look like after this?" I guess I should be thankful for the small things, right?

Speaking of STD's, I read today on that Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner are splitting. This upsets me a great deal. What will poor Hugh do without his beloved Puffin? Word on the street is he's got a set of 19-year-old twins chomping at the bit to take her place. If this relationship comes to fruition, Hef's new gal pals will be 63 years his junior. My question is this: what do their parents think? I would be mortified. That gives me two primary goals for my daughter(s):

  1. Keep them off of the pole (thank you Chris Rock)
  2. Keep them out of Hugh Hefner's bed.

Sure, I'd also like them to be happy, well-adjusted, successful women but I'm thinking right now in terms of concrete objectives and these, my friends, are two of them.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Officer Awesome and the Fair Maiden

I snapped some pictures of my kids in their Halloween costumes and couldn't resist posting this one.


In other news, my son's school's annual Fall Festival was  a smashing success. Tons of money was raised and fun was had by all, including my husband (the luckiest person I know), who entered a $5 Bingo game and won the grand prize: a Wii!!! Yahoo! I was so excited I had an obnoxious screaming fit in the middle of the silent auction.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Chapter 11 for the Tooth Fairy


Ever-dwindling blog no more! I don't know why it is such a struggle for me lately, perhaps for the same reason that it is a struggle for me to peel my arse off of the couch to do anything productive. I need a little motivation.

We all know that our country is in trouble. We've got a ginormous deficit, our banks and lenders are closing down like local grocery stores on the heels of a Wal-Mart grand opening, and our Representatives are likely going to vote to spend $700 billion of our money to rescue our economy from certain doom. While nobody has enough fingers to point at those responsible, the American consumers are certainly near the top of the list. How many people do you know who live in homes they can nary afford? Or drive cars that cost more a month than some mortgages? Or take vacations with limitless budgets and host elaborate birthday parties for one-year-olds? This culture of entitlement and overspending has found its way into the made-up mind of at least one fantasy character: the tooth fairy.

When I was a kid and lost a tooth, I laid it under my pillow before going to sleep and woke up to find a shiny new quarter in its place in the morning. I was thrilled. A WHOLE quarter! My son lost his first tooth yesterday. He put it in an empty Ambien prescription bottle (that's just how we roll around here) and placed it carefully under his pillow. He woke up to find not one, not two, not three, not four but FIVE crisp dollar bills under his pillow. FIVE! I hung my head in shame this morning realizing my mistake. Darn that Tooth Fairy Diva! She's a high-fallutin', over spendin', wracked-with-debt dental fairy with nothing better to do than poison my mind with her mass kindergarten entitlement conspiracy.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

What's In a Name?

I found out at a doctor's appointment today that this unexpected bundle of bun in the oven is most likely a little girl. While I am excited about the prospect of having another little girl, it complicates the naming process. My boy name was an ace in the hole, chosen beyond question. The girl name remains up in the air. Some of my friends have emphasized the importance of carrying on the T-name tradition, "You already have two kids with T names," they say, "It would really stink for the third one to be the odd one out." While I agree with this logic to some degree, my agreement stops at the prospect of naming the child Tiffany or Tonya. Please, all of the Tiffany's and Tonya's out there, don't take offense. You had no control over your parents!

I've got a great name picked out but, alas, it does not start with a T. I will not post it here yet because my husband and I have not agreed and I will not entertain any negative commentary about my child's name choice. There is an inherent danger in telling people prior to the birth, what your choice for names is. They can be judgmental and harsh because they feel as if their opinion could sway the parent one way or another. This ridiculous charade stops as soon as the baby is born and people say with a smile, "Tallulah Does the Hula. What a great name!" So, to you the faithful readers of this ever-dwindling blog, I pose the following question without revealing too much:

How important IS continuing the T-name tradition?

Would you dare break it?

If I do break it will it cost my child years of therapy (Why Mom, WHY didn't you just name me with a "T" name?)?