Announcements Announcements Announcements

I've got a few random musings today. First, my Halloween article was published and I am quite proud of it. It's the type of writing that I would like to do on a regular basis.

Second, I have been working on my personal website for the past few days and have published it. Check it out:

http://www.juliannehale.com

Please send me some feedback if you have any thoughts. My friends have informed me that I need more color.

Finally, my friend, Bianca Pierce, took some pictures of my kids this morning and managed to capture this shot:

Isn't it fabulous? The girl's got talent! Here's her website:

http://biancajpiercephotography.blogspot.com/

There Oughta Be a Leash Law

So my friend Laura puts her kid on a leash. I told her that if I ever saw her out in public with her son attached to that stuffed-monkey-backpack-cleverly-disguised-as-a-leash I would judge her harshly. And I will. As long as she can keep the jerking-the-leash-to-make-the-kid-stop business to a minimum, I'll love her anyway. She's a great Mom and a good friend and I promised her I'd blog about her tonight. So, Laura, this one's for you.

Just don't be surprised if I give you a shock collar for a baby shower gift :)

Conscientious Consumer

I was introduced to a new blogging term yesterday, meme. Wikipedia, the very pinnacle of reliable information, defines a meme as follows:

At its most basic, an Internet meme is simply the propagation of a digital file or hyperlink from one person to others using methods available through the Internet (for example, email, blogs, social networking sites, instant messaging, etc.). The content often consists of a saying or joke, a rumor, an altered or original image, a complete website, a video clip or animation, or an offbeat news story, among many other possibilities. An Internet meme may stay the same or may evolve over time, by chance or through commentary, imitations, and parody versions, or even by collecting news accounts about itself. It is spread organically and voluntarily on a peer-to-peer basis rather than by trickery, compulsion, predetermined path, or completely automated means.

Jennifer Neisslein posted this meme on her blog yesterday:

Here's how it works: post the directions on your blog, tell everyone who tagged you, answer the questions, and tag five or more people. That's it!

The purpose of this meme is to inspire some reflection about how we shop and what we purchase. The idea isn't that consumption itself is somehow bad, but that we all could probably stand to put a little bit more thought into what we buy. And, of course, it's supposed to be fun.

So here goes! Pick a recent shopping trip -- for clothes, shoes, groceries, doesn't matter. The only guideline is that it will be easier to play if you purchased at least a few things.

Now tell us, about your purchases:
1. What are you proud of?
2. What are you embarrassed by?
3. What do think you couldn't live without?
4. What did you most enjoy purchasing?
5. What were you most tempted by?
(This last one may or may not be an actual purchase!)

Given my recent obsession with my family's uncontrollable accumulation of stuff, I thought this would be a good exercise. The best version of myself is a conscientious consumer. I'm not the best version of myself yet but I hope to be soon. Here goes:

About my purchases:

1. What are you proud of? The toys and clothes that I bought at yard sales last weekend. I put them in a storage bin and am saving them for Christmas.
   



2. What are you embarrassed by? The number of Polo shirts hanging in my son's closet (why do I care so much about that damn horse?) To my credit, though, every one of them was bought at a consignment store or yard sale. I don't buy them new. It's still shameful. If I care then my son is going to care and I don't want that.
   



3. What do you think you couldn't live without? My food processor. I love that thing.
   



4. What did you most enjoy purchasing? The ingredients for a vanilla caramel cake that I made recently.
   



5. What are you most tempted by? Anything with the word, "Clearance" written on it.
   

My grand conscientious consumer plans include more shopping at yard sales, doing my best to buy American made products—a REAL challenge, reusing and recycling everything and anything I can, purging myself and my family of wearable advertising (polos, GAP shirts, etc…), and shopping less at large retail chains. I have a long, LONG way to go.

Now, tell me about your purchases…

How to Prepare for a Yard Sale When Your Husband is a Pack Rat

1. One
   word: roofies. If your husband is asleep, he can’t protest the fact that you
   are selling his pewter flask from the 1992 wedding he was in, despite the fact
   that the couple is now divorced.



2.  If
   you have an ethical problem with number one, consider turning on one of his
   favorite television shows. For my husband, this would be the History Channel or
   the World Series of Poker. If he is in visual range of either of these
   programs, he falls into a trance-like state. This creates the perfect
   opportunity to slip his Dwight Shrute-esque short-sleeved dress shirts out the
   front door and throw a price sticker on them.



3. Give
   him choices. Tell him that he has to choose between one of two items to sell.
   The choice between his dress shoes from 6 years ago (“All they need is a little
   polish.”) and the darth vader carrying case from his childhood might be a
   difficult one but at least you can bid farewell to one thing.



4. Use
   reason. Sure, a non-working avocado green refrigerator might be difficult to
   part with but if you can tout the virtues of a
   faux-stainless-steel working refrigerator, perhaps you can convince your husband to haul
   the old one out of the garage.



5. When
   all else fails, bribe him. We all have a price and men’s seems to be fairly
   universal. It might just be worth a little bartering to get rid of the 5 x 8
   watercolor he painted in his college dorm room during his long hair hippie
   days.

Faux Potatoes

Whose bright idea was it to create “healthy mashed
potatoes?” Isn’t that an oxymoron? Anyone who tells you that, when blended to
the right consistency, cauliflower is a dead ringer for good ol’ fashion
russets is a liar.

Mashed potatoes are a delicacy that should not be forsaken.
They are usually the first sampling of “real food” that babies have the pleasure of tasting. They are a
Thanksgiving staple and they can be made an infinite number of ways dependant
upon the herbs and spices added, the variety of potato, the presence of skin,
texture and the ratio of milk and butter. No matter how you make them, mashed
potatoes are magically delicious.

Low-carbers of the world take notice: feel free to eat
mashed cauliflower to your hearts’ content, just spare us the diet-speak. You and
I both know that no matter how much cream cheese and garlic you throw in the
mix, blended cauliflower tastes like cauliflower. God help the poor soul who
serves me mashed cauliflower with my Thanksgiving turkey.

Po Po Zow!

It’s official. Britney lost custody of her kids. They will
now be placed in the capable hands of Kevin Federline. Here’s a man who has
fathered four children (that we know of) with two different women (that we know
of). He frequents strip clubs and wears a fedora on a regular basis. What is
the world coming to?

We can all learn something from Britney’s mistakes:

1. Don’t marry a man whose ex-girlfriend is seven months pregnant with his second child.



2. Don’t immediately have children with said man.



3. Never add the name, “Paris Hilton” to your list of friends. If you do, seek counseling immediately.



4. Never talk to a man in a fedora. Really, what good can come of it?



5. Listen to your Mama.



6. If the man you are slated to marry shows up at the rehearsal in a shirt with the word, “PIMP” embroidered on it, call off the wedding immediately.



7. Stay away from the Hennessy and wacky weed after you pop out your first kid.



8. Always wear panties. No exceptions.

This is, by the way, the speech that I plan to give my
daughter when she reaches adulthood. I should probably copyright it but I have
decided, out of the goodness of my heart, to offer it to each of you. Feel free
to copy and paste it and use it for your own family’s needs.

Delusions of Craftiness

In a rare moment of crafty mom energy, I helped my kids put
together a “Happy Halloween” banner. Don’t give me too much credit. It came
from one of those foam cut out kits and took very little creativity. My kids
love that stuff though and making things with them provides me with the pleasant
illusion that I am, in fact, a crafty mom. We got out our glue and attached the
ghosts, pumpkins and witches to the ribbon. Once it dried, we ceremoniously
hung the banner on our living room mantle.

It greets us in all of its Halloween splendor each morning.
Normally, this would be a pleasant experience but my son has a meltdown every
morning when he finds out how far away Halloween is.

Five weeks? But that’s a long time. Halloween’s NEVER
going to get here.

32 Days? Mommy, why did we put the decorations up? It
never gets any closer.

Every day it is the same reaction. I do my best to ignore
his dramatic body movements. He typically falls to his knees and drops his
hands by his side in an exasperated way as if I just told him that Santa Claus
didn’t exist. The banner has been up for one week today and I tried to tell him
the good news this morning that Halloween was seven days closer than it was a
week ago. It didn’t go over very well.

I’ve considered taking the banner down to avoid confrontation but I really like it.
I feel like giving myself a pat on the back every time I walk by it. What a
good Mom I am! What a crafty lady! I’m going to have to suck it up and take the
good with the bad, completely ignore my son’s ridiculous tantrums and seriously
consider putting up the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. If he’s this excited
about trick or treating I can only imagine how he’s going to react when he’s
greeted by the Christmas tree every morning.