Monkey Speak

My son spent several minutes yesterday getting in touch with
his wild side. He was pressed up
against a glass partition, face to face with a chimpanzee, grunting and
screaming in a primal way. The
chimpanzee responded by casually slapping the glass where my son’s face was
every once in a while. This sent my son
and his friends into hysterics. It was
very entertaining to watch.

We were attending a birthday party at the zoo and it
included a private tour for the party guests.  We stood in the chimpanzee exhibit for
several minutes, letting the kids interact with the creatures. After a couple minutes of monkey-speak, a crowd of kids gathered and
there was a mini-chorus of unpleasant grunts and screams and squeals of
laughter when the chimpanzee finally did respond in his nonchalant way. My son’s monkey dialogue was very
unpleasant but I did not want to stop it. I heard the Spirit of Steve Irwin whispering in my ear, “Let him talk to the
monkeys. It may be his calling in life. Jane Goodall needs a successor.” So I did. I listened to the voice of the Crocodile Hunter and let my son commune
with the chimp. This process was made a
little challenging by the presence of our cute tour guide, Ian, who I was
crushing on a little bit. He clearly
enjoyed children and encouraged any type of interaction between them and the
animals but he also clearly thought my son was a superfreak. I considered squelching my son’s monkey
tirade to make a favorable impression on Ian and then I snapped back to
reality. I remembered that I was
happily married and that Ian was probably 10 years younger than me and not
interested in a slightly overweight married woman with two children who drives
a minivan. My son grunted like a
primate. I laughed and snapped a
picture of him, the future successor of Jane Goodall with an uncanny ability
to talk to the monkeys.