Thursday, October 2, 2008

Chapter 11 for the Tooth Fairy

Fairy



Ever-dwindling blog no more! I don't know why it is such a struggle for me lately, perhaps for the same reason that it is a struggle for me to peel my arse off of the couch to do anything productive. I need a little motivation.


We all know that our country is in trouble. We've got a ginormous deficit, our banks and lenders are closing down like local grocery stores on the heels of a Wal-Mart grand opening, and our Representatives are likely going to vote to spend $700 billion of our money to rescue our economy from certain doom. While nobody has enough fingers to point at those responsible, the American consumers are certainly near the top of the list. How many people do you know who live in homes they can nary afford? Or drive cars that cost more a month than some mortgages? Or take vacations with limitless budgets and host elaborate birthday parties for one-year-olds? This culture of entitlement and overspending has found its way into the made-up mind of at least one fantasy character: the tooth fairy.

When I was a kid and lost a tooth, I laid it under my pillow before going to sleep and woke up to find a shiny new quarter in its place in the morning. I was thrilled. A WHOLE quarter! My son lost his first tooth yesterday. He put it in an empty Ambien prescription bottle (that's just how we roll around here) and placed it carefully under his pillow. He woke up to find not one, not two, not three, not four but FIVE crisp dollar bills under his pillow. FIVE! I hung my head in shame this morning realizing my mistake. Darn that Tooth Fairy Diva! She's a high-fallutin', over spendin', wracked-with-debt dental fairy with nothing better to do than poison my mind with her mass kindergarten entitlement conspiracy.



13 comments:

  1. Christian has his first loose tooth that we discovered yesterday. Exciting times!! I'm not sure how much we'll leave.

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  2. Setting the bar a little high there, aren't we Madam Fairy? Let's see....what do kids lose? About 20 teeth? Hmm... that comes to roughly $200, oh winged one!
    We usually give Maggie 50 cents. You have by far surpassed us....apparently the Tenn. Hales are doin' a little better than the IL Hales :)

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  3. Oh, no! Is this what I have to look forward to?! The Tooth Fairy has obviously been severely impacted by inflation over the years...
    I was always thrilled with the quarter that I got too! These days, my kids will throw a quarter into a fountain as quickly as a penny...times are a changin'!
    At this rate, our grandkids will expect to find Benjamin Franklin under their pillows : )

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  4. I've discussed the alarming inflation of lost-tooth compensation here. Wait, this blog won't allow html in the comments. Here's the link:
    http://suburbancorrespondent.blogspot.com/2007/03/economics-of-teeth.html
    Our kids get only a quarter.

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  5. Are you out of your ever living mind!! Five dollars!! You do know there is no going back now right? Unless maybe you wrote a note from the tooth fairy that explained that he got 5 dollars since it was his first tooth. That might work. My kids get and will always get .50 cents and they love it and get giddy when they find it.
    Congrats to Truman for loosing his first tooth! I bet he was excited.
    I am going to start pulling my teeth and hope the Hale fairy comes to my house!

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  6. Note To Self: Avoid any conversations where Cody and Truman discuss the tooth fairy and her generosity! ;) Cody hasn't lost his 1st tooth yet. CONGRATS to T-Man!! Pics please :)

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  7. Note to Aunt Becky;) Oh, the power of a good education, let's see, $5 and 20 teeth, see if Maggie can help you with that math problem... Note to J, generosity is a virtue best not displayed by parents, HOLY CRAP!!!! the kid is never going to get over it. The only thing I can think of to 'Bail' you out is to explain how the economy got this messed up, then tell him he just got his Economic Stimulus Package, and it has to last him until he can come up with about $700 Gazillion dollars to help bail out his Papa Dale's 401K.

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  8. ha papa dale! Economic stimulus package :)

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  9. I was actually thinking of it like this:
    Truman (20 teeth)
    Tatum (20 teeth)
    = 40 teeth X $5 = $200
    I forgot about the player to be named at a later date....so
    Truman (20 teeth)
    Tatum (20 teeth)
    Asyetunknownname (20 teeth)
    = 60 teeth X $5 = $300

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  10. Wow, your tooth fairy is definitely quite generous! Ashlyn's a while away from losing her first tooth, but I'm thinking she might get a dollar, but only if there's a LOT of screaming and anguish on her part. If it's easy pulling it, then she'll get 50 cents. LOL!

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  11. Wow, nice save Becky.

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  12. Christian lost his first tooth last Friday while on a field trip!
    Tooth fairy brought 2 quarters.

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  13. We also had a visit from the tooth fairy this week. That house-hopping floozy. She handed out a crisp $5 for Eleanor's first dental departure. When she saw the bill she said, "You know she gave Madison $20". I said, "no she didn't, she gave Madison $5 and her Nana slipped in the other $15". Our plan for subsequent losses is $1 each.

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