Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Sweat and Vinegar

I just want to take a moment out of my day to express some
gratitude for the folks at the CROCS Company. They have designed a shoe that is completely immune to odor, no matter
how long it is worn. They are also easy
to get on and off and both my kids love to wear them. I feel like I should send a thank-you note to Boulder, Colorado
where the Crocs headquarters is located. It would go something like this:

Dear Crocs staff-

My name is Julianne Hale and my kids have the smelliest feet
imaginable. I thought the stinky foot
gene might mercifully skip my daughter but alas, it did not. She has a pair of Tevas that can easily
clear a room if they ever come off of her feet. My son is the same way. His feet reek of vinegar and many of his shoes have to be disposed of in
one of those orange hazardous waste bags after he’s worn them a few times
without socks. 

It’s not my kids’ fault. They come by it honestly. I’ve
never had any trouble acknowledging the olfactory offensiveness of my
feet. I’m not sure how I got so lucky,
though, because my Mother swears up and down that her feet do not stink. She could jog from here to California and
her feet would smell as fresh as the summer rain. I’m not sure I believe her but I guess the proof is in the
pudding.  I’ve never had to flee a room
due to the fact that she has removed her shoes. The same cannot be said for my husband. He has a couple of shoes that I insist he keeps on the back porch
when he’s not wearing them. This may
sound harsh but it’s either that or everyone who enters my house will walk
around in a perpetual state of nausea. The latter is not acceptable. I’d prefer that my guests not associate my home with vomit.

When my family and I wear CROCS, we can hold our heads high
knowing, without hesitation, that our feet do not smell. Sure, if you hold them right up to your
nose, you might be reminded, for a fleeting second, of dying eggs on Easter
Sunday but, for the most part, they are stink free. Thank you for making bizarre, holey plastic shoes that are immune
to foot sweat contamination. They may
be ugly as sin but they sure are functional. The Hale family is forever in your debt.


Julianne Hale
Proud matriarch of the stinkiest-footed family in America


  1. If you ever find another solution, besides Crocs, for the S.F.S. (stinkie feet syndrome), he rest of the Hale clan would love to hear about it, we tracked it back yet two more generations, my brother, my mother and my great uncles were all sufferers of S.F.S., so, the Whiteheads were also afflicted, in a rather bad way. most of them were also very flat footed, but I have an arch that won't quit, so I doubt that has anything to do with the disorder. If we ever choose up sides for a barefootin' contest, try to get your Mom on your team, the rest of us have become acclimated to the stench.

  2. Papa Dale-
    I'd like to know what "arches that won't quit" look like :)
    Although I know full well that I hold as much genetic responsibility for the stinky foot syndrome that plagues my family as Sean, I prefer to hold him solely responsible. It's easier that way.

  3. apparently, it has nothing to do with genetics. . . .Aleita is very much a tried and true Hale, as she also suffers from SFS

  4. It's good to know that Aleita will keep the grand tradition of Hale SFS alive for future generations!

  5. LOL I love your writing style! You are hilarious! Hunter and Anika too have the stinky foot syndrom (although I am not sure where from, since neither Niles or me have it), so when they do wear shoes, 90 % of the times its crocs!

  6. Thanks Bianca. I love it when there is a new comment poster!
    Hunter and Anika's stinky feet had to come from somewhere. Hmmm... I'm going to have to give your feet a subtle sniff the next time I see you. I'll find you out!

  7. None of us have stinky feet, well I do have a pair of boots that reck havic on my feet. Thank God for crocs because I can't be friends with people who have smelly feet. Not only do I have issues with repetitive noises but smelly people also bother me. It's a deal breaker! ;) What are you going to do when they go out of style? I suggest buying them out of stock now just to be prepared for the future! See ya next week smelly!

  8. papa dale I would also like to see those arches that don't quit! If you could post pictures that would make my day!

  9. Sorry, no pictures, my feet are camera shy.

  10. lol J just read this did ya get a sniff of it yesterday? ;) My feet are dirty a lot because I am always running around barefoot, but not stinky :p