Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Dollar Store Mamas

I’ve spent the vast majority of my day obsessing about gifts
for my son’s preschool teachers. The
reason for this obsession is the plural “teachers.” I took my son’s school roster off of the refrigerator this
morning so that I could plan my shopping trip. I was
surprised to discover that there are eight staff members at my son’s
preschool: one director, two
three-year-old teachers, two four-year-old teachers, two teacher assistants,
and one office assistant. My son is in
the three-year-old class and I have exchanged pleasantries with his teacher,
the office assistant, and one teacher assistant. So, who do I buy gifts for?

Do I buy gifts for both three-year-old teachers and the
director? What about the teacher’s
assistants? Do I buy for all of
them? How do I know which of the
assistants helps in my son’s classroom? I’ve tried to question my son about this topic he and claims to know every
single staff member. Apparently, he has
had some type of interaction with each of them. Darn that school and their excellent staff to child ratio! I guess this means that I am stuck
buying/making eight teacher gifts. What
a bum deal that is, and not just for me, for the teachers as well. What that means is that I will have to
stretch my budget as far as it will go and hit the dollar store for some
tasteful gifts that do NOT look like they came from the dollar store (crossing
my fingers that none of my son’s teachers read this blog).

My friend Alyson who, thankfully, does not send her son to
the same school as mine, has handmade not only gifts for each teacher, but also
a personalized gift for every student in her son’s class. What the hell is she thinking? Is she trying to make the rest of us look
bad? I pity Alyson’s counterparts in
her son’s class on the last day of school before the New Year. They will walk out of the school doors clad in festive Christmas attire with heads hanging low, feeling
inadequate and ashamed of their Chinese-made chalkboard “My Favorite
Teacher” ornaments and store-bought-but-packaged-to-look-homemade peanut
brittle. Poor, sad saps. They can just call me when they leave and
we’ll plan some type of elaborate, vengeful scenario designed to make her feel
inadequate and elevate the rest of us Dollar Store Mamas to her Pottery Barn
status. Any ideas? I’m thinking we could burn rubber stamps in
her yard and start a quilting bee behind her back. We could make a beautiful quilt for her son’s teacher’s birthday
present. That would put her hand-painted,
personalized picture frames to shame. Man, I’m
really filled with the Christmas spirit today!


  1. Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa... sounds like a good way to start an unbelievable farce of an editorial to me. How dare Alyson come down with this unforgivable case of the Christmas Spirit Craps? You can try my old trick of waiting until after Christmas and then stopping by to ask the teacher(s) if they enjoyed those home-made goodies you sent in with the Trumster, you are the only one who will know nothing was ever delivered, and the teacher(s) will be to shocked, and ashamed to admit that they misplaced the gifts, so they will tell you it was just lovely... home-free 'til next season, and you may have different teachers by then, so...Seriously, since this is a Church Day Care, why not send in a nice religous card to everyone, and enclose a check to a sponsered charity in the name of the day care? That way, everyone is happy, and no one has to act grateful for a tight-assed present they didn't really want anyway. (F.Y.I., I read there is a new paper coming out that automatically erases itself after you run it through your printer, can you imagine those teachers running around the office looking for that big fat check you wrote them an all they can come up with is a blank paper about 2 1/2 inches by 6 inches is size?) Ho! Ho! Ho! and Hum-bug to all and to all a good-greif!!!

  2. You could just TP our house again on a night where a big rain is expected. That seemed to do the job the last time she did something wrong. I think we still have toilet paper pieces in our yard.

  3. I am a dollar store momma well actually I am worse I am not getting Garrett or Elizabeth's teachers anything. I am with you on the getting alyson although seeing as how she is expecting we will have to keep it light or wait till she has the baby that way she won't expect it. Did you finally get your gifts?

  4. Papa Dale-
    That is a really great idea about the charity donation. Too bad it came a little too late. I just spent about 5 hours in the kitchen making stained-glass cookies. They taste like crap but they look pretty good. Darn that Alyson and her crafty ways!

  5. Alyson-
    Hmmm... Aren't you going out of state tomorrow? The wheels are turning baby!

  6. Melinda-
    Yeah, we Dollar Store Mamas have to stick together. I did, however, have a Martha Stewart moment today. I bought holiday tins and an ornament for the teachers (both half off - thank you Hobby Lobby!) and I spent hours making cookies. I had some parchment paper issues and I'd probably steer clear of the actual stained-glass portion of the cookies but, hey, a little parafin never hurt anyone right?

  7. Home made cookies are the best. Even if they taste like crap, people have to like them. I think that is all people are going to get from me. But then again, Hobby Lobby rocks, I'm going to star on a life time supply of knitting stuff!!

  8. I tried to leave this last night, but I guess it didn't go through! Chase left that other message!! I am looking for some extra could hire me on the side. The teachers would never know!!!