Thursday, August 9, 2007

A Genuine Shiner

My son has a genuine shiner. It’s dark purple with blue
edges and, as he put it, “Mommy, it looks like a rainbow.” This is not his only
facial injury. He also has a ½ inch scratch running along the side of his other
eye, right next to the bridge of his nose. These two eye injuries, along with
his various bruises, make him look like a child that they might use to play
orphan #3 in a modern version of “Oliver.” The wardrobe people would probably
throw a little dirt on his face and outfit him in some tattered clothing but he
wouldn’t need any make-up. From the neck up he looks like a street child.

Both of my kids had doctor’s appointments today. My son had
his preschool physical, complete with three shots and a finger prick, and my
daughter had her two-year-old check-up. I came very close to cancelling both of
these appointments when my son ran face first into the window ledge last night
causing injury number two. What if they think I abuse my child? What if they
call DFS on me? How am I going to explain the black eye? I tried to devise a
cover story to explain away his injuries. Granted, it was the truth, but I
still felt the need to rehearse it. It went something like this:

See doc, my son is the world’s biggest klutz. He walks on
flat surfaces with no impediments and falls flat on his face, tripping over
nothing but his own feet. He’s currently learning the perils of running in the
house the hard way. The first injury occurred when he ran through the kitchen
and fell onto a chair. The second one happened when he ran through the living
room and accidentally planted his face on a window ledge.

The conversation didn’t turn out quite like I expected. The doctor
asked my son directly and he answered honestly, omitting the whole “world’s
biggest klutz” explanation. The doctor encouraged my son’s rainbow fantasy
telling him that it would change colors as the days went on, first to light
blue, then green and then yellow. He ate this up, gazing up at the doctor with
stars in his eyes. At this very moment my son is standing in front of the
mirror whining because his eye hasn’t changed colors yet. So much for a lesson


  1. Poor Truman! Cody is my klutzy child! Hope the appt. went well!

  2. right the window edge.........(making mental notes ; window edge, chair) Well I hope it heals nicely and you don't get to many stares from strangers. How did he do with the shots?
    alrighty I am off to make an anonymous phone call to DHS completely unrelated to this blog of course

  3. at our doctor's appointment, the Dr. asked my son (age 3) where he got the giant bruise on his back. My son's answer was, "I rode my fire truck down the stairs and then Daddy got me some milk." That was the truth, and the Dr. bought it, but I too was sweating a little bit during the inquisition.

  4. Poor Uncle Ben, he was the one that got the most stitches, X-rays, trips to the Emergency room, etc. Once, when he tried to stop a stick swinging fight between his brothers, and, of course, he needed stitches, when the Doctor saw him, and asked him what happened, after hearing he had been hit by his big brothers, the Doc said "So, they weren't happy with once, and had to hit you twice?" Ben just whimpered "Yes", the Doctor shook his head, and started sewing.

  5. Yikes, I can only imagine. We still have a running battery of bumps and bruises on my kids...I wonder when they grow out of it?
    Actually, as I look at my skinned knee and bruised hip from the grocery cart today maybe we never do.....
    I guess all that happens is that we stop getting sympathy for it! Nobody kisses my 'owies' better any more. Hmmmm, there's a blog in this some where....

  6. I think it was the fault of the chair and the window ledge, not your son.
    While most adults would be alarmed at carrying around a shiner and trying to find ways to camouflage or excuse it, I think it's marvelous that your son is basking in the afterglow!

  7. Candice-
    We've got to watch those two in preschool together. Two klutzes are not better than one!

  8. We've gotten our share of dirty looks from strangers but I just choose to ignore.
    The shots went OK. He wailed for about 10 minutes with an incoherent, animalistic grunt but, it's all good. He's OK now.

  9. Jacquelyn-
    I like the addition of "Daddy brought me some milk" to Patch's explanation.
    Patch isn't a klutz, just a daredevil. That was a Bam Margera (Jackass) stunt!

  10. Poor Ben. He was victimized by those two wasn't he?

  11. Leanne-
    I'm pretty sure my kids get their spaziness from me. I was never graceful or athletic and I must admit that I have done my share of tripping on flat surfaces.

  12. Keli-
    I guess I should take comfort in my son's ability to spin the situation positively, huh? It should serve him well in life.

  13. Both my kids are going to be bruisers...
    Christian and another chils were running on the blacktop. They side-swiped each other and Christian took the brunt of the fall with his Head. Picture day was two weeks later.
    Thursday morning, Kaitlyn was running, fell and hit the corner of her left eye on the table. She has a nice bruise too.

  14. Maggie is my E.R. child. . . she has had two broken wrists, stitches in her chin, and just about a month ago, she visited the E.R. because we thought she had broken her nose (she slipped on a book in the hallway upstairs and did a face-plant right on the floor.) Luckily, it wasn't broken, just very badly bruised. Like you, I told Chris that I was worried that DCFS was going to come in and take the children into protective custody.

  15. In addition to Kaitlyn yesterday, I got another call today that she was running, tripped and nail the same spot on a block. So in addition to the bruise she already had, we've added a scratch.

  16. You are so right about Patrick. Both my kids are way more Jackass than Klutzy.