Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Muffin Mission #2

Just yesterday, I had to explain what a muffin top was to my
husband. He was clueless and very skeptical of this new term. He contends with
gusto that I do NOT have a muffin top. Can’t you see why the home fires are still burning strong after 10 years
of marriage? He might be completely deluded but he’s a keeper. It’s clear from
my husband’s cluelessness that we have work to do.

Muffin Toppers of the world, it’s time to gain muffmentum
(is it me or does this sound a little dirty?). We’ve got to spread our message
of flattering fashion for all. If you’ve accomplished last
week’s mission
of tossing out an old pair of ill-fitting jeans, you are
ready to move on to mission number two. If you haven’t made it there yet, don’t
worry. You can cling to those jeans as long as you want. Just know that when
you are ready, we will be waiting for you in the wonderful world of clothes
that fit and flatter.

Here’s mission number two:

Community Service:
Seek out unsuspecting muffin toppers in your community and give your testimony
to them. You don’t have to insult them to make an impact. Take a friend along
and print two or three pamphlets out so that the unenlightened muffin topper thinks
you are community servants (you are!) and does not feel targeted. Take her
aside, explain your mission and tell her what the movement is all about.
Remember, you are doing her a service, one that she desperately needs whether
she knows it or not. Make sure you wear attractive, age-appropriate clothing to
ensure maximum effectiveness. We want people to see results, not just hear
about them. Keep in mind that it is quite possible that the muffin topper may
have no idea what a muffin top is, despite the fact that she could be a poster
child for the movement. We must be sensitive to this possibility. Some visual
aids might be just the ticket to bring the message home for the
as-yet-to-be-converted muffin toppers among us. Show her some before and after
pictures of yourself or someone else. Encourage her to spread the muffmentum by
telling her friends. Before you know it, muffin tops will be a thing of the past (or the small majority--we all know there are hopeless MT-ers out there).


  1. I have yet to complete mission #1; if I throw out all the ill-fitting jeans, I'd have nothing to wear!
    I have the muffin top, and jeans that fit my thunder thighs gap in the waist. And if they fit in the waist ... wait, how would I know if they fit in the waist? I can't get them over my thighs!
    I've found that Old Navy men's jeans and Gap women's boyfriend jeans work pretty well.

  2. I'm just a fat old man that can't quite get his head around what your trying to do, but if it will slow the number of heavy set oldies that hang out (literally) at Wally World after 9.00 P.M., in their stretch ca pries and fuzzy house slippers with their thong underwear showing just below their undersized sports bra, more power to ya, hope it works out.

  3. Tiffani:
    I'm pretty sure men's old navy jeans to NOT qualify as flattering and well-fitting :)
    Whatever works, right? I can't find a single pair of jeans that fit me well so you are doing better than I am!

  4. Lord have mercy Papa Dale. I'm pretty sure those Wally Worlders are hopeless!
    the movement, I fear, is losing momentum. So much for muffmentum :)

  5. Hmmm. I may go up to my closet and throw out a few pairs of jeans, but I am so so NOT going to go and tell another women that she has a muffn top. Are you mad? Not enough wine in the world for me to go there! Lol.

  6. Leanne-
    What kind of a citizen of this world are you? You probably don't recycle either.
    Just kidding. Good point. Very good point.

  7. Muffentum: hilarious! OMG, I don't think I could confront my muffin-topping friends.
    I gotta say I love the new Lee jeans--yes, Lee. Low rise but not too low and no huge gap in the back of the waist (junk in the trunk). Slight flare. I cannot go back to the 80's skinny jeans. Did it once, ain't gonna do it again.