Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Muffin Toppers Unite

I was talking to my friend Jacquelyn this afternoon and had an epiphany. Actually, she had the epiphany first and was kind enough to pass it on to me. Here it is:

We are not 21 years old anymore.

Sure, it sounds simple enough but it is quite profound. One look in my closet will reveal why: I have every conceivable shade of Old Navy T-shirts, several  graphic Tees, a couple thermal printed tops and a few button-downs that are just a little too snug to wear in public. Open up my pants drawer and you'll find a couple pairs of jeans that are low-riders with a couple flashy embellishments, some black stretchy pants and a few pairs of gouchos. I'm a thirty-two year-old mama with a muffin top living in the wardrobe of an impoverished college student. And it's not even a cool wardrobe for a college kid.

We've started a movement, Jacquelyn and I. It's the "Surrender the Fantasy" movement.

Note to any moms out there who are actually hot: go ahead and skip this paragraph. It was written specifically for the muffin-toppers among us.

We're throwing in our low-rise, muffin-top-encouraging jeans for some high-quality flattering alternatives. We're not talking Mom-jeans here (at least I'm not—Jacquelyn may be another story), just jeans with a reasonable waist line. Is that too much to ask? Also, we're trading our Old Navy T's (I can't part with mine yet but I'm going to make a concerted effort not to wear them 24 hours a day) for some blouses that might draw the attention away from the midsection rather than right to it.

The Surrender the Fantasy movement won't be easy but it will be rewarding. Join us!

Our goal for this week: pick one pair of jeans that you hold onto because they remind you of the body you used to have and donate them to Goodwill. I guarantee that it will be a liberating experience.


  1. I just want to add, in case the STF movement is misunderstood, that I do advocate proper nutrition and exercise. I'm not talking about devouring twinkies and french fries whenever you get the hankering and shopping for clothes that flatter your growing figure. It's about admitting and embracing our age and our motherhood, both of which have a significant impact on our figures.

  2. My name is Melinda and I join you in this movement! I want jeans that do not show my underwear! Those things are called underwear for a reason and they are meant to stay under wear (where) no one can see them! I am with you on the tshirts! They do nothing for my midsection.

  3. LOL I guess I am with you! I am sure Melinda knows all to well I have underwear showing issues (so sorry Melinda LOL)

  4. I was having a self pity party via phone to one of my friends last week.....
    You see, reality kicked in when I put on my jeans and was horrified to see not only a muffin top but a camel toe. She was kind enough to tell me that larger women who wear tight fitting clothing are said to have a mooseknuckle ::gasp::
    Signed your muffin topped mooseknuckled friend :(

  5. Thank you for bringing this horrible reality to my attention as I sit right now in a very tight (once flattering) Old Navy t-shirt. It will be hard...but I am joining the movement!
    PS - Does anyone know where to find well-priced, attractive casual clothing for a 30+ mom?? I'm convinced there's a gap in the fashion industry!

  6. Where does this stylish yet appropriate clothing exist I ask you?!

  7. As the inspiration for the STF movement, I feel the need to weigh in on this issue. After examining my wardrobe, I realized that my closet was full of Gap, Old Navy, and Target clothes...all of which would be more appropriate for my 16-year-old neice. I wear jeans those show my underwear when I bend over and shirts that conform to every roll I have. I have one pair of jeans that are so low-rise and ill-fitting that I don't even have to unzip them to remove them--which means I am constantly hoisting them up to try and conceal the muffin-top. As much as I want to be young and cute, I'm just not, and no style of clothing is going to mask that. My new store of choice is Ann Taylor Loft. Sure it's more expensive, so I will just have to go with quality instead of volume.

  8. Ahhhh ha ha ha. I miss you guys. JACQUELYN!! WASSUP???
    I too would like to join in, although I'm kind of in a holding pattern due to losing weight. BUT! I bought a pair of jeans at Target the other day? And they were? REGULAR WAISTED! They hide that muffin top like nothing else and they're not Mom Jeans!

  9. Yes - Yes - Yes - I'm in!!! I made this same realization about a year ago (also at age 32 - what's up with that?!)....I can't wear the "stuff" they market to 20 year olds.
    I'm 5'9 so any shirt made at Old Navy is not even a possibility because I also have a very long torso. Hence - I would always have a muffin top with those low rise pants...But alas, I have adored the long tunic trend that has come into vogue.
    Seems Jacquelyn is on my wave-length. I shop a lot at Ann Taylor Loft. They have GREAT sales. And, GASP, it's age appropriate for me. I can't believe I just said that!

  10. ROFLOL! I've finally settled into a casual style I can live with (at least that's what I call it and I can only hope others don't call it frump.)
    Just you wait. The challenge only continues. I'm 10 years ahead of you (with a 10 month old; SOMEthing's gotta keep me young) and it only gets tougher.
    Now, when I have to pimp out my walker, I'll know I've reached the point of no return.

  11. I recommend Walmart unless you are against things "Made in China" or other places. But, they have stylish outfits that don't hurt the wallet. I also lately have found some great outfits at Khols (sp?). I love J.Jill & Chico, but can't afford them right now, maybe one day. I personally have a hard time fitting my body into Target's clothes?? Not sure why?? Oh, JCPenny's is a great store for me!! I love the Worthington brand.
    I need a jean that isn't too tight and my bulge hangs out, one that accents my body, but it comfy- did I say comfy, OMGoodness!! lol

  12. I spend more on shoes than my clothes!!
    About 2 years ago I went through all my clothes I was "Saving for the Fantasy" world and took them to my consignment store and or donated them. I got rid of some really nice pieces- I say pieces- I am coming from a teacher's point of view, think holidays!! LOL
    I will not part w/ my cool jacket my hubby got for me one Christmas, it is so Vintage/Hippie, it is a Medium, and I plan to wear it again, ONE DAY!!!
    I have parted w/ the "party College outfits" from The Limited- so surely that will count???

  13. Yep, I drive across the border and do the 'cross border thing' at Ann Taylor too. But speaking from experience, don't be discouraged when you slip once in a while and rebuy the clothes from your youth. It will happen! I've done it. I've looked well, funny. Okay, hideous. I think we need a 12 step program.

  14. Several friends of mine took all their beloved tshirts and cut the graphics into square blocks to be put into a quilt. A memory quilt of all jeans & shirts & high school rock crushes. What a fun quilt to wrap up in for TV watching or to take out for picnics and outdoor games. A conversation starter and a way to honor all the time & love you've had in those clothes - without having to keep wedging your body into them! Enjoy

  15. Welcome Melinda! I'll be monitoring your wardrobe from now on ;)

  16. Sorry Bianca. Membership denied. I've seen you in a bikini!

  17. Angie-
    got the CT video. Cracked me up!

  18. Marti-
    I'm not sure if you're allowed in or not. Haven't seen you in a while but I'm pretty sure you're a certified hot mama!
    Ann Taylor. It's the only way to go.

  19. New Diva-
    Ann Taylor. I agree with Jacquelyn.

  20. Jacquelyn-
    i can relate to the jeans that you don't need to unzip or unbutton to pull up and down. ALL of my low-rise jeans are like that. why is it that it's taken us 5 years to have this epiphany when it's been staring us in the face for so long?

  21. Sarah K-
    Good to hear from you! Congrats on the weight loss! Awesome. Send some of those vibes my way.

  22. Leanne-
    Long tunics! Nice. I'm going to have to give those a try. My body might reject them though as I am so used to T-shirts.

  23. Toni-
    I laughed at the mere mention of pimping out a walker! Kudos to you for being comfortable with your wardrobe.

  24. Katb-
    Sounds like you are well ahead of the curve in the movement. Kudos.

  25. Leanne-
    A twelve step program is an excellent idea. Now all we need is a clever name (and a strategy).

  26. Andrea-
    Great idea! You can get rid of your old clothes without actually tossing them.

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