It’s official. Britney lost custody of her kids. They will
now be placed in the capable hands of Kevin Federline. Here’s a man who has
fathered four children (that we know of) with two different women (that we know
of). He frequents strip clubs and wears a fedora on a regular basis. What is
the world coming to?
We can all learn something from Britney’s mistakes:
- Don’t marry a man whose ex-girlfriend is seven months pregnant with his second child.
- Don’t immediately have children with said man.
- Never add the name, “Paris Hilton” to your list of friends. If you do, seek counseling immediately.
- Never talk to a man in a fedora. Really, what good can come of it?
- Listen to your Mama.
- If the man you are slated to marry shows up at the rehearsal in a shirt with the word, “PIMP” embroidered on it, call off the wedding immediately.
- Stay away from the Hennessy and wacky weed after you pop out your first kid.
- Always wear panties. No exceptions.
This is, by the way, the speech that I plan to give my
daughter when she reaches adulthood. I should probably copyright it but I have
decided, out of the goodness of my heart, to offer it to each of you. Feel free
to copy and paste it and use it for your own family’s needs.