Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Po Po Zow!

It’s official. Britney lost custody of her kids. They will
now be placed in the capable hands of Kevin Federline. Here’s a man who has
fathered four children (that we know of) with two different women (that we know
of). He frequents strip clubs and wears a fedora on a regular basis. What is
the world coming to?

We can all learn something from Britney’s mistakes:

  1. Don’t marry a man whose ex-girlfriend is seven months pregnant with his second child.

  2. Don’t immediately have children with said man.

  3. Never add the name, “Paris Hilton” to your list of friends. If you do, seek counseling immediately.

  4. Never talk to a man in a fedora. Really, what good can come of it?

  5. Listen to your Mama.

  6. If the man you are slated to marry shows up at the rehearsal in a shirt with the word, “PIMP” embroidered on it, call off the wedding immediately.

  7. Stay away from the Hennessy and wacky weed after you pop out your first kid.

  8. Always wear panties. No exceptions.

This is, by the way, the speech that I plan to give my
daughter when she reaches adulthood. I should probably copyright it but I have
decided, out of the goodness of my heart, to offer it to each of you. Feel free
to copy and paste it and use it for your own family’s needs.


  1. Great words of wisdom! I especially like number 8. I am pretty sure the pimp shirt was a mutual thing they decided and had made for the big day! I so wish I would have thought of that! Dang it britt and her great ideas!

  2. Amen Sister!
    Great words of wisdom that should be oft repeated to all young girls out there. It is a little sad though that this is an actual list from someone's actual life! Train wreck anyone?

  3. Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! I uh, kind of forgot I had you on my blogroll? And uh, I added you to my reader? So now I can spy and lurk all I wanty. MWA HA HA HA

  4. OMG. My daughter is about to turn thirteen. Thirteen! Please dear god that I'll never need, or think I should have told her ANY of this stuff.
    Oh, that's right I probably won't my daughter has a BRAIN!!

  5. I think the Mr & Mrs Brittany Spears of the world are perfect anti-role models. Wouldn't that be a great book? Using incredibly stupid celebrities as examples of how not to act. Somehow, I feel certain your daughter won't require that speech.

  6. Can you imagine the judge in this case having to decide which is the more "capable" parent? Talk about having to pick the lesser of two evils.

  7. This is awesome.
    9. Don't threaten anyone with a good time.

  8. Just watch any episode of Bridezilla and you'll think Brit and Kev are lovebirds...Ack!

  9. Mutual or not, Melinda, I wouldn't want a pimp shirt at my wedding!

  10. New Diva-
    I think I'm going to start bringing my presentation to local high schools. I could be the new behavioral guru for the tween set.

  11. SarahK-
    Hi there. Good to hear from you.

  12. Leanne-
    I'll be happy to come and give your daughter a short presentation... for a minimal fee.

  13. Keli-
    The anti-role model. I like it. Lindsay Lohan may never work in Hollywood again. Maybe that would be a good source of income for her.

  14. Becky-
    No. I can't imagine. You know your choices are limited when K. Fed reigns victorious.

  15. Thanks Jennifer.
    Excellent addendum with #9.

  16. I don't watch that show but it sounds like it would make me feel great about my own marriage!

  17. None of this would have happen if she followed Rule #8 anyway!!