Thursday, November 30, 2006

Faux Velvet

We put up our Christmas decorations tonight. My mantle looks beautiful. There are chochkies of every shape and
size. There is a Santa circa 1920 and
every consecutive year thereafter. There are snowmen in every variety
imaginable. Snowmen with legs, snowmen
with scarves, snowmen sitting, snowmen standing, and my personal favorite, a
mommy snowman staring lovingly at a baby snowman. Awe. Perhaps my favorite
piece of Chinese made merchandise gracing my mantle is the Yoda snow
globe. Yoda, clad in a Santa suit,
stands staff in hand looking sagacious while synthetic snow falls on his
shoulders to the tune of “Let it Snow.” It’s a gem.

There are four stockings hanging on the fireplace, one for
myself that was handmade by my Mother when I was a child, one for each of the
kids that my Mother made last year and one for my husband. I wish I could say it was handmade but it
wasn’t unless you consider sweatshop work handmade. It is a pair of red pseudo velvet pants with a white fur lined
butt opening and white pom-poms on the toes. It looks like something out of a Willy Wonka Christmas special. My children’s stockings are hand-embroidered
with their names. They are
beautiful. My husband’s stocking has
his name written in all caps with a sharpie. Rich.

There is no possible way that I can do the pants justice so
I am including a picture with this entry. He refuses to give them up. They
are a part of his childhood and I have the sneaking suspicion that they will be
on my mantle for many, many years to come. I’ve tried moving them to the side of the mantle that is partially
covered by the tree but the damn things need two fasteners and my husband
installed two brass hooks for that very purpose last holiday season on the most
visible side of the fireplace. I’m
thinking of setting a very tall candle on the hearth and letting fate take its
course. Surely that faux velvet is
highly flammable. Any ideas about how
to get rid of this little gem of a family heirloom are welcome.


  1. Have your mom handmake him one also and come up with some speach on how we all have handmade ones, the kids love it, my mom put a lot of work into it, etc. Surely he can't pass that up! Or you could have tatum pull it down and tear it!

  2. The only thing the hand-made speech will do with that boy is to convinvce him it is devine intervention that he is destined to have two stockings filled at Christmas. Besides, you don't have any idea the trouble I went to to get those hidious long jons off my mantle. (did he tell you that his longies were sooooo special that he had the only pair?, his brothers had regular stockings) Good luck, but right now, I'd say deal with it.

  3. Who are you trying to kid, Julianne? You know you love those pants as much as Sean, and you wouldn't take them down for anything. I think his stocking definitely constitutes one of those "traditions" that make Christmas at the Hale's special. And let's face it, your home decor year-round is highlighted by countless Pez dispensers...the pants are the LEAST of your worries! :)
    Consider yourself my mother's we hang socks...just plain ol' socks. There's nothing much uglier adorning a mantle than 9 random socks in a row.

  4. Melinda-
    I like the Tatum pulling it down idea but, let's face it, I couldn't do it. It would crush him. I've got to live with the old pants.

  5. Papa Dale-
    I can only imagine how upset you were to pass those pants down. I'm sure Grandma was crushed.

  6. Jacquelyn-
    OK, so maybe I don't mind them so much. They do make a nice conversation piece. I always feel the need to explain their presence to my guests.

  7. Those pants are HOT!!!