I used to think the temporary insanity plea was bogus. I didn't think it was possible for a completely rational human being to lose all reason and touch with reality in an instant. I have changed my tune.
During the wee hours of Thursday morning (and I do mean wee: 1:30 am to be precise), I awoke with a jolt to the sound of my daughter's labored breathing. I leapt to my feet and ran downstairs. I found her sitting up in bed struggling for air. She was whimpering softly in a heartbreaking attempt at crying. This is where the sane switch was turned off in my brain. I freaked. Faced with the prospect of my daughter's impending death, I went ape-shit (sorry-I could not think of a better description of my state of mind). I screamed for Sean to come downstairs. He did, and in a sleepy haze, he attempted to comfort me. Big mistake. I bit his head off, chewed on it for a while and spit it back out. I was furious. How could I possibly remain calm? Couldn't he see that my daughter was struggling to breathe?
I ran upstairs, daughter still in my arms. I threw on some pants and some shoes and raced to the door. I couldn't go alone because I had fallen asleep with the aid of Ambien and could not be trusted behind the wheel. I waited for my casual, relaxed husband to tuck in his shirt and rouse my son slowly out of bed. I felt like he was moving at a snail's pace and it infuriated me. I have no idea what words came out of my mouth during the time that I waited for my husband to get his Zen butt out the door but I'm certain that they were not the words of a rational human being. I lost my mind. I was temporarily insane. No doubt about it.
My daughter had croup. Go ahead Moms, nod your heads in collective unison. Of course it was croup. If I had one iota of rational thought left in my brain during the time when my daughter was struggling to breathe, I would have considered this possibility and taken her outside for some cool air. I might have even noticed when her breathing improved in the short distance from the front door to the van. Like I said, I was temporarily insane. If I had committed a felony during that time, I would be in court right now trying to convince the judge/jury that I lost my mind for about 5 minutes on Thursday night. It's true. And it is a disturbing reality. My husband and I are left to wonder: What will happen during an actual crisis?
I can truly understand how you can freak out in a second. Hope she's better soon!
ReplyDeleteThanx for the memories! When my first-born had croup, she made a barking sound...not like a dog, but exactly like a seal. Try getting your brain around that at 3 AM the first time it happens. How could there possibly be a sea mammal in my Wisconsin home...especially in the winter? Absolutely a disorienting and terrifying experience. I became adept at the hot shower method, buidling up a miniature steam room where I would try to stay awake while her little bronchial tubes cleared.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you are coming from. since birth my 4 year old daughter has battled with croup every year, and after many episodes to the ER I am still the frantic mom screaming uncontrolably at every ER visit, I keep telling myself that next time it will be different or better, but I am always that basket case mom screaming at the doctors.. when it comes to seeing you child struggle to breath, there is no way to keep your insanity!!!
ReplyDeleteI did the same but with my trio it was febrile seizures. The Dr.'s always told me that the seizures didn't hurt the kids unless they went beyond ten minutes, but I still went nuts. I could not handle it at all.
ReplyDeleteFinally, if I was alone with the kids and they had a seizure I just called 911. The police were very sane, calm and understanding. Thank God my kids out grew them or I would have had to move out of town sooner then I did.